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 “Alfa
Romeo has promised to reform so many times it would shame poor
George Best”
The fact that it’s so predictable doesn’t make it any less
annoying.
Alfa Romeo unveils a new car. It looks great, if you don’t get
too close, drives fabulously well, sounds wonderful, electrifies
you for a moment, and then lets you down gradually and
relentlessly.
Chinese food comes to mind.
The ownership experience is lousy because the dealers are
underfinanced and thin on the ground. The electronics will go
phut. When you come to sell the car after two or three years,
it’s worth peanuts compared with the BMW, Audi, Lexus or
Mercedes you should have bought.
Never again, you say.
And then there are the articles you will read in the media,
written by reporters who haven’t had to use their own money to
buy an Alfa Romeo. They completely ignore all the evidence
carefully gleaned over about 30 years, and declare the car
fabulous, and how Alfa has finally turned the corner, or they’ve
been taken in by the promise that “Honestly we’ve changed.
Everything is fine now”.
Déjà vu
 Last
year at the launch of the Alfa Romeo 159 in Munich, Germany, I
was treated to déjà vu all over again. New Alfa Romeo Chief
Executive Karl Heinz Kalbfell pledged that the new 159 finally
showed that the company had turned its back on its miserable
customer service record.
But many of the 159 launch cars were less than perfect, when
only perfect will do for a brand with a past which wants to
compete with the best. One car broke down because of dodgy
electronics and had to limp back to base. Other cars had
assorted minor glitches including transmission whines and
rattles; one had a mystery noise from behind the dashboard.
All over again
 “Don’t
worry, these are pre-production models,” said Alfa officials.
Kalbfell, a former BMW senior executive, was mysteriously
disappeared after less than a year.
All this didn’t stop the British motoring press from ignoring
all the evidence: “It could finally put an end to German
dominance,” said Autocar. “Stunning 159 has the look of a
winner,” said another British weekly, Auto Express.
The jury is still out on the 159, which is on sale now in
Britain, but that hasn’t stopped our sycophantic media rolling
over to have their tummies tickled.
Alfa Romeo is about to launch the new Alfa Brera coupe and Auto
Express calls it “stunning”. It certainly is a nice looking car,
but it’s not stunning. “What Car?” almost shakes the scales from
its eyes saying that Alfa knows that quality and reliability
needs to improve “and they (Alfa) pledge the Brera will win over
the doubters. Time will tell”.
You don’t say.
Shame George Best
 Alfa
Romeo has promised to reform so many times it would shame poor
old George Best.
And while I’m at it, there’s a 3rd indictment for Alfa to
answer. “Autocar” magazine points out that the new Brera, of
which more later, costs a couple of thousand quid (¤2,850) more
than the equivalent Nissan 350Z, and the BMW 3-series coupe is
£1,000 (¤1,425) cheaper. The base model is more expensive than
the Mazda RX-8 and the cheapest Audi TT. You would think a sense
of shame, and humility, not to mention a bit of marketing nouse,
might persuade Alfa to offer the poor old punters a great deal
to persuade them to forgive them for past offences. But no, Alfa
has the arrogance to try and charge premium prices.
Alfa Romeo executives were at it again with the launch of the
new Brera. Déjà vu all over again squared. First we had the
apology for past sins, then the emotional pledge that all had
now changed. I await concrete evidence for that.
What about the Brera, you ask?
Nothing fell off
Well, the test cars didn’t break down, and bits didn’t fall
off them, although the plastic cowling over the back window
looked as though it might fly off at any moment.
The cars do look very nice, particularly from the front. Not
surprisingly, they go like stink and make a magnificent noise.
The full-frontal view of the Giorgetto Giugiaro designed car is
exceptionally good, with the triple headlights and aggressive
nose. At the rear, the four gleaming chrome exhaust pipes look
the business, but from the side and back it disappoints, in my
opinion.
The Brera shares most of the bits and pieces under the skin from
the 159, and that shows as soon as you slip behind the wheel and
look at the dials. And offset aluminium-faced console which
houses the gear change, radio, and satnav sits in the middle
between the driver and front passenger look familiar. Very
smart.
Good quality
 The
quality of the materials is mainly good, although the stalks for
cruise control and indicators felt a bit cheap and nasty.
There’s not much headroom for anyone over six feet, or any room
to speak of in the back. The boot is too small for golf bags,
but with the rear seats folded flat, there’s plenty of space.
Once on the move, the steering is fast and precise, and the ride
is more comfortable than I expected. The diesel-powered version,
a 200 bhp, 2.4 litre, 5-cylinder motor had plenty of go,
although it felt a bit hesitant at low revs as you moved through
the gears. It didn’t give that instant shove in the back through
every gear which you get from the BMW 3 litre diesel. There’s a
four-wheel drive version towards the end of the year.
At launch, this month in Britain, there will be two direct
injection petrol engines – a 2.2 litre 185 bhp 4-cylinder, and a
3.2 litre 260 bhp V6 – plus the diesel.
Means nothing in Italian
 There
are two trim levels – Brera and Brera SV (incidentally, “Brera”
doesn’t mean anything in Italian, it just sounds and looks like
it should). The entry level models include dual zone climate
control, cruise control, fog lights, 16 or 17 inch spoked alloy
wheels and CD player. ABS, electronic brake force distribution,
traction and stability control, and hill start assist are
standard.
Options include xenon headlights, satnav, electric front seats
and 18 inch wheels, electronic key and start button. The SV
versions add leather, and a brushed aluminium centre console.
You can also opt for a fixed, full-length laminated glass
sunroof. This doesn’t open, which is disappointing. Maybe Alfa
could find the engineer who designed the sun roof on the old
Mazda MX-6 coupe (I owned two of them), which opened upwards and
backwards. This saved headroom, and looked fabulous too, adding
a kind of wing-effect to the back of the car.
Another Alfa Romeo is trying to seduce you and your cash. You
can’t say you haven’t been warned.
Alfa Brera 2.4 JTD SV
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Engine:
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2.4 litre, 5-cylinder diesel
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Power:
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200 bhp
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Gearbox:
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six-speed manual
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Drive:
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front-wheels
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Acceleration:
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0-62 mph-100 km/h 8.1 seconds
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Top Speed:
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142 mph – 226 km/h
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Fuel Consumption:
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claimed combined 41.5 mpg-6.8 l/km
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CO2 Emissions:
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179 g/km
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Length:
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4,410 mm
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Width:
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1,830
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Height:
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1,341
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Weight:
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1,600 kg
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Suspension:
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double wishbone/multilink
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Price:
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£27,500-¤39,200 – on sale now in Europe
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Competition:
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Audi TT, Mazda RX-8, Nissan 350Z, BMW 3-series
coupe, Mercedes CLK, Chrysler Crossfire, Toyota Celica,
Peugeot 407 Coupe.
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Same for much less:
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Hyundai Coupe - £14,795-¤21,100
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Would I buy one?
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No.
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Rating:
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*** out of 5
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For:
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looks terrific, goes well
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Against:
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too pricey; wait for Alfa to prove it’s changed
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